Let's see if my Intuition has any Volition

So far, I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job at ticking off the necessary items on the small town girl goes to university and expands her mind list. I've embraced evolution, wept drunkenly because I'm convinced I've fabricated my own reality and my existence is an illusion, had what felt like meaningful breakthroughs in cafe conversations, told my little sister I don't believe in god on Christmas Eve, selected an utterly useless major and on and on and on.

And naturally, in all my young liberal university student glory, I revel in the sex advice column of Dan Savage.

Mostly for the raunch but also for his good natured attitude. Listening to his podcast as I was walking to class (see how hard I am working to live up to my useless liberal arts pursuits potential?) on came one of his listeners moaning about her boyfriend's porn "problem". And so commences the great porn debate.

For all my huddled-up country-girl naivete prior to college I never had a problem with porn. I didn't delve into it, fearing God and my mother, but had no need to with all the smutty books I stumbled upon.

So, I've never really understood some women's gag reflex to pornography, and how they feel their boyfriends' masturbatory habits poison their relationships. Which leads me to my next thought--these women are classic about-to-become-abusive boyfriends.

What are they saying? Essentially, they're telling their boyfriends, "Don't you dare think about another woman sexually. You will express your sexuality when I say you can, your dick is my possession."

Granted, some guys are in to that. But for the rest of them, this is really just a form of emotional abuse. If a man was limiting his girlfriend or his wife's interaction with other men or putting limits on her privacy or sexual expression we would see him as jealous, as overly possessive. This type of behavior is supposed to be the most telling hint that a man will become abusive. So how are we supposed to interpret this behavior in women?

We demonize men for their years of repressing female sexuality and once we've been liberated turn around and try to shackle their junk.

Of course, I'm forgetting the most common arguments against pornography-- it demeans women. And this is a tricky one to navigate.

Watching some porn, it's very clear that these women are not enjoying themselves. I've seen some empty, haunted faces gagging on way too much cock. And guess, what? It didn't turn me on and I didn't continue watching. For women who have been in sexual experiences that they didn't enjoy, that made them feel demoralized or subhuman, I think it is pretty simple to recognize that kind of suffering in another woman. And it's disturbing.

But at the same time, this is not the only kind of pornography out there. And it's probably not the only kind of porn your boyfriend is having some private time watching.

Porn does not make men demean women. Asshole guys would get plenty of joy demeaning women with or without the aid of pornography.

Porn should not feel like cheating. Your boyfriend touching himself is not infidelity. His right hand is not a stranger's vagina.

Porn does not cause emotional rifts in relationships. One person trying to control the other person and dictate the bounds of their expression causes emotional rifts.

So let's all stop trying to keep each other's dicks and pussies on lockdown, huh? Let's make this world a place where it's just as okay for a woman to keep a vibrator in her bedside table as it is for man to grab himself to hot asian lesbian pee videos.

A place where we can all laugh at the delightfully ridiculous world of human sexual expression, the way God, Darwin and Dan Savage intended.