Some Like It Semi-Nude

Adam and I watched Some Like It Hot on Sunday afternoon as I recovered from the second worst hangover of my life.

First worst hangover-- Freshman year; dressed like a hooker for no reason, also, sporting a hat with a tassle. I drank an entire box of Franzia (at least half of it directly from the spigot the other half in shot glasses and with saltines I had delicately cut into wafers to simulate holy communion). God punished me by the next day by the greatest morning-after agony imaginable. I made my ex-boyfriend sit on the phone with me the entire day not saying a word, because when he spoke it made me feel more nauseous (incidentally, a delightful allegory for much of our relationship.)

Third worst hangover-- Junior year; hopping from bar to bar on the high of an efficient fake ID, I find myself weeping after several shots of whiskey and hanging my head in a filthy bathroom at the pointlessness of it all. I proceeded to tearily beg a friend of ours not to join the marines (he was later rejected for his anti-nazi tattoos *high fives god*), and then ran sobbing through the streets of Madison to my home. Having convinced myself that I had imagined my entire reality, I then trashed my room and wandered outside in my socks and underwear because Adam and our nazi-hating friend were not adequately paying attention to my dramatic outbursts.

This weekend was another was another peach of a performance. In the comfort of my own houseparty, I ran around in my underwear and Adam's Express polo (I dig middleclass-swank modifiers) whipping moldy cupcakes at the neighbors' house and purposefully pouring glasses of water on myself. I verbally assaulted a self-righteous indie asshole (Barney-purple hoodie and v-neck tee-shirt; homosexual lumberjack haircut) I'd met previously, bellowing about how his self-worth rested in sleeping with Rod Stewart's entire extended family.

This is what you got for your vote of "Most Likely to Succeed," Waterford Union High School Class of 2005. Somehow, I feel it's what you had in mind all along.